May 03, 2021

TOMORROW BY JOSEPH CONRAD

TOMORROW BY JOSEPH CONRAD



Joseph Conrad, born of Polish parents in the Russian Ukraine, began a seafaring life in 1874. He learnt English at the age of 21, and in 1886 became a British citizen. His famous works include The Nigger of the Narcissus (1898), Lord Jim (1900) and Nostromo (1904). His greatest skill lies in his capacity to evoke an atmosphere through careful attention to detail. He uses the method of story within a story to convey his sense of the inexplicable inner character of life and the shifting quality of the mind. All Conrad’s characters suffer from a sense of isolation.

What was known of Captain Hagberd in the little seaport of Colebrook was not exactly in his favour. He did not belong to the place. He had come to settle there under circumstances not at all mysterious—he used to be very communicative about them at the time—but extremely morbid and unreasonable. He was possessed of some little money evidently, because he bought a plot of ground, and had a pair of ugly yellow brick cottages run up very cheaply. He occupied one of them himself and let the other to Josiah Carvil—blind Carvil, the retired boat-builder—a man of evil repute as a domestic tyrant.

These cottages had one wall in common, shared in a line of iron railing dividing their front gardens; a wooden fence separated their back gardens. Miss Bessie Carvil was allowed, as it were of right, to throw over it the teacloths, blue rags, or an apron that wanted drying.

‘It rots the wood, Bessie my girl,’ the captain would remark mildly, from his side of the fence, each time he saw her exercising that privilege.

She was a tall girl; the fence was low, and she could spread her elbows on the top. Her hands would be red with the bit of washing she had done, but her forearms were white and shapely, and she would look at her father’s landlord in silence—in an informed silence which had an air of knowledge, expectation and desire. ‘It rots the wood,’ reported Captain Hagberd. ‘It is the only unthrifty, careless habit I know in you. Why don’t you have a clothes-line out in your back yard?’

Miss Carvil would say nothing to this—she only shook her head negatively. The tiny back yard on her side had a few stone-bordered little beds of black earth, in which the simple flowers she found time to cultivate appeared somehow extravagantly overgrown, as if belonging to an exotic clime; and Captain Hagberd’s upright, hale person, clad in No.1 sailcloth from head to foot, would be emerging knee-deep out of rank grass and the tall weeds on his side of the fence. He appeared, with the colour and uncouth stiffness of the extraordinary material in which he chose to clothe himself—‘for the time being’, would be his mumbled remark to any observation on the subject—like a man roughened out of granite, standing in a wilderness not big enough for a decent billiard-room. A heavy figure of a man of stone, with a red handsome face, a blue wandering eye, and a great white beard flowing to his waist and never trimmed as far as Colebrook knew.

Seven years before, he had seriously answered ‘Next month, I think’ to the chaffing attempt to secure his custom made by that distinguished local wit, the Colebrook barber, who happened to be sitting insolently in the tap-room of the New Inn near the harbour, where the captain had entered to buy an ounce of tobacco. After paying for his purchase with three half-pence extracted from the corner of a handkerchief which he carried in the cuff of his sleeve, Captain Hagberd went out. As soon as the door was shut the barber laughed. ‘The old one and the young one will be strolling arm in arm to get shaved in my place presently.

The tailor shall be set to work, and the barber, and the candlestick maker. High old times are coming for Colebrook; they are coming, to be sure. It used to be ‘‘next week’’, now it has come to ‘‘next month’’, and so on—soon it will be ‘‘next spring’’, for all I know.’

Noticing a stranger listening to him with a vacant grin, he explained, stretching out his legs cynically, that this queer old Hagberd, a retired coasting-skipper, was waiting for the return of a son of his. The boy had been driven away from home, he shouldn’t wonder; had run away to sea and had never been heard of since. Put to rest in Davy Jones’s locker this many a day, as likely as not. That old man came flying to Colebrook three years ago all in black broadcloth (had lost his wife lately then), getting out of a third-class smoker as if the devil had been at his heels; and the only thing that brought him down was a letter—a hoax probably. Some joker had written to him about a seafaring man with some such name who was supposed to be hanging about some girl or other, either in Colebrook or in the neighbourhood. ‘Funny, ain’t it?’ The old chap had been advertising in the London papers for Harry Hagberd, and offering rewards for any sort of likely information. And the barber would go on to describe with sardonic gusto how that stranger in mourning had been seen exploring the country, in carts, on foot, taking everybody into his confidence, visiting all the inns and alehouses for miles around, stopping people on the road with his questions, looking into the very ditches almost; first in the greatest excitement, then with a plodding sort of perseverance, growing slower and slower; and he could not even tell you plainly how his son looked. The sailor was supposed to be one of two that had left a timber ship, and to have been seen dangling after some girl; but the old man described a boy of fourteen or so—‘a clever-looking, high-spirited boy’. And when people only smiled at this he would rub his forehead in a confused sort of way before he slunk off, looking offended. He found nobody, of course; not a trace of anybody—never heard of anything worth belief, at any rate; but he had not been able, somehow, to tear himself away from Colebrook.

‘It was the shock of this disappointment, perhaps, coming soon after the loss of his wife, that had driven him crazy on that point,’ the barber suggested, with an air of great psychological insight. After a time the old man abandoned the active search. His son had evidently gone away; but he settled himself to wait. His son had been once at least in Colebrook in preference to his native place. There must have been some reason for it, he seemed to think, some very powerful inducement, that would bring him back to Colebrook again.

‘Ha, ha, ha! Why, of course, Colebrook. Where else? That’s the only place in the United Kingdom for your longlost sons. So he sold up his old home in Colchester, and down he comes here. Well, it’s a craze, like any other. Wouldn’t catch me going crazy over any of my youngsters clearing out. I’ve got eight of them at home.’ The barber was showing off his strength of mind in the midst of a laughter that shook the tap-room.

Strange though, that sort of thing, he would confess with the frankness of a superior intelligence, seemed to be catching. His establishment, for instance, was near the harbour, and whenever a sailorman came in for a hair-cut or a shave—if it was a strange face he couldn’t help thinking directly, ‘Suppose he’s the son of old Hagberd!’ He laughed at himself for it. It was a strong craze. He could remember the time when the whole town was full of it. But he had his hopes of the old chap yet. He would cure him by a course of judicious chaffing. He was watching the progress of the treatment. Next week—next month—next year! When the old skipper had put off the date of that return till next year, he would be well on his way to not saying any more about it. In other matters he was quite rational, so this, too, was bound to come. Such was the barber’s firm opinion.

Nobody had ever contradicted him; his own hair had gone grey since that time, and Captain Hagberd’s beard had turned quite white, and had acquired a majestic flow over the No.1 canvas suit, which he had made for himself secretly with tarred twine, and had assumed suddenly, coming out in it one fine morning, whereas the evening before he had been seen going home in his mourning of broadcloth. It caused a sensation in the High Street— shopkeepers coming to their doors, people in the houses snatching up their hats to run out—a stir at which he seemed strangely surprised at first, and then scared; but his only answer to the wondering questions was that startled and evasive ‘For the present’.

That sensation had been forgotten long ago; and Captain Hagberd himself, if not forgotten, had come to be disregarded—the penalty of dailiness—as the sun itself is disregarded unless it makes its power felt heavily. Captain Hagberd’s movements showed no infirmity; he walked stiffly in his suit of canvas, a quaint and remarkable figure; only his eyes wandered more furtively perhaps than of yore. His manner abroad had lost its excitable watchfulness; it had become puzzled and diffident, as though he had suspected that there was somewhere about him something slightly compromising, some embarrassing oddity; and yet had remained unable to discover what on earth this something wrong could be. He was unwilling now to talk with the townsfolk. He had earned for himself the reputation of an awful skinflint, of a miser in the matter of living. He mumbled regretfully in the shops, bought inferior scraps of meat after long hesitations; and discouraged all allusions to his costume. It was as the barber had foretold. For all one could tell, he had recovered already from the disease of hope; and only Miss Bessie Carvil knew that he said nothing about his son’s return because with him it was no longer ‘next week’, ‘next month’, or even ‘next year’. It was ‘tomorrow’.

In their intimacy of back yard and front garden he talked with her paternally, reasonably, and dogmatically, with a touch or arbitrariness. They met on the ground of unreserved confidence, which was authenticated by an affectionate wink now and then. Miss Carvil had come to look forward rather to these winks. At first they had discomposed her: the poor fellow was mad. Afterwards she had learned to laugh at them: there was no harm in him. Now she was aware of an unacknowledged, pleasurable, incredulous emotion, expressed by a faint blush. He winked not in the least vulgarly; his thin red face with a wellmodelled curved nose had a sort of distinction—the more so that when he talked to her he looked with a steadier and more intelligent glance. A handsome, hale, upright, capable man, with a white beard. You did not think of his age. His son, he affirmed, had resembled him amazingly from his earliest babyhood.

Harry would be one-and-thirty next July, he declared. Proper age to get married with a nice, sensible girl that could appreciate a good home. He was a very high-spirited boy. High-spirited husbands were the easiest to manage. These mean, soft chaps, that you would think butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths, were the ones to make a woman thoroughly miserable. And there was nothing like home—a fireside—a good roof: no turning out of your warm bed in all sorts of weather. ‘Eh, my dear?’

Captain Hagberd had been one of those sailors that pursue their calling within sight of land. One of the many children of a bankrupt farmer, he had been apprenticed hurriedly to a coasting-skipper, and had remained on the coast all his sea life. It must have been a hard one at first: he had never taken to it; his affection turned to the land, with its innumerable houses, with its quiet lives gathered round its firesides. Many sailors feel and profess a rational dislike for the sea, but his was a profound and emotional animosity—as if the love of the stabler element had been bred into him through many generations.

‘People did not know what they let their boys in for when they let them go to sea,’ he expounded to Bessie. ‘As soon make convicts of them at once.’ He did not believe you ever got used to it. The weariness of such a life got worse as you got older. What sort of trade was it in which more than half your time you did not put your foot inside your house? Directly you got out to sea you had no means of knowing what went on at home. One might have thought him weary of distant voyages: and the longest he had ever made had lasted a fortnight, of which the most part had been spent at anchor, sheltering from the weather. As soon as his wife had inherited a house and enough to live on (from a bachelor uncle who had made some money in the coal business) he threw up his command of an East-coast collier with a feeling as though he had escaped from the galleys. After all these years he might have counted on the fingers of his two hands all the days he had been out of sight of England. He had never known what it was to be out of soundings. ‘I have never been further than eighty fathoms from the land’ was one of his boasts.

Bessie Carvil heard all these things. In front of their cottage grew an undersized ash; and on summer afternoons she would bring out a chair on the grass-plot and sit down with her sewing. Captain Hagberd, in his canvas suit, leaned on a spade. He dug every day in his front plot. He turned it over and over several times every year, but was not going to plant anything ‘just at present’. To Bessie Carvil he would state more explicitly: ‘Not till our Harry comes home tomorrow.’ And she had heard this formula of hope so often that it only awakened the vaguest pity in her heart for that hopeful old man. Everything was put off in that way, and everything was being prepared likewise for tomorrow. There was a boxful of packets of various flower-seeds to choose from, for the front garden. ‘He will doubtless let you have your say about that, my dear,’ Captain Hagberd intimated to her across the railing. Miss Bessie’s head remained bowed over her work. She had heard all this so many times. But now and then she would rise, lay down her sewing, and come slowly to the fence. There was a charm in these gentle ravings. He was determined that his son should not go away again for the want of a home all ready for him. He had been filling the other cottage with all sorts of furniture. She imagined it all new, fresh with varnish, piled up as in a warehouse. There would be tables wrapped up in sacking: rolls of carpets thick and vertical, like fragments of columns; the gleam of white marble tops in the dimness of the drawn blinds. Captain Hagberd always described his purchases to her, carefully, as to a person having a legitimate interest in them. The overgrown yard of his cottage could be laid over with concrete...after tomorrow.

‘We may just as well do away with the fence. You could have your drying-line out, quite clear of your flowers.’ He winked, and she would blush faintly. This madness that had entered her life through the kind impulses of her heart had reasonable details. What if some day his son returned? But she could not even be quite sure that he ever had a son: and if he existed anywhere he had been too long away. When Captain Hagberd got excited in his talk she would steady him by a pretence of belief, laughing a little to salve her conscience.

Only once she had tried pityingly to throw some doubt on that hope doomed to disappointment, but the effect of her attempt had scared her very much. All at once over that man’s face there came an expression of horror and incredulity, as though he had seen a crack open out in the firmament. ‘You—you—you don’t think he’s drowned!’ For a moment he seemed to her ready to go out of his mind, for in his ordinary state she thought him more sane than people gave him credit for. On that occasion the violence of the emotion was followed by a most paternal and complacent recovery.

‘Don’t alarm yourself, my dear,’ he said a little cunningly, ‘the sea can’t keep him. He does not belong to it. None of us Hagberds ever did belong to it. Look at me; I didn’t get drowned. Moreover, he isn’t a sailor at all; and if he is not a sailor he’s bound to come back. There’s nothing to prevent him coming back...

’His eyes began to wander. ‘Tomorrow.’

She never tried again, for fear the man should go out of his mind on the spot. He depended on her. She seemed the only sensible person in the town; and he would congratulate himself frankly before her face on having secured such a level-headed wife for his son. The rest of the town, he confided to her once, in a fit of temper, was certainly queer. The way they looked at you—the way they talked to you! He had never got on with anyone in the place. Didn’t like the people. He would not have left his own country if it had not been clear that his son had taken a fancy to Colebrook.

She humoured him in silence, listening patiently by the fence; crocheting with downcast eyes. Blushes came with difficulty on her dead-white complexion, under the negligently twisted opulence of mahogany-coloured hair. Her father was frankly carroty.

She had a full figure; a tired, unrefreshed face. When Captain Hagberd vaunted the necessity and propriety of a home and the delights of one’s own fireside, she smiled a little, with her lips only. Her home delights had been confined to the nursing of her father during the ten best years of her life. A bestial roaring coming out of an upstairs window would interrupt their talk.

She would begin at once to roll up her crochet-work or fold her sewing, without the slightest sign of haste. Meanwhile the howls and roars of her name would go on, making the fishermen strolling upon the seawall on the other side of the road turn their heads towards the cottages. She would go in slowly at the front door, and a moment afterwards there would fall a profound silence. Presently she would reappear, leading by the hand a man, gross and unwieldy like a hippopotamus, with a badtempered, surly face.

He was a widowed boat-builder, whom blindness had overtaken years before in the full flush of business. He behaved to his daughter as if she had been responsible for its incurable character. He had been heard to bellow at the top of his voice, as if to defy Heaven, that he did not care: he had made enough money to have ham and eggs for his breakfast every morning. He thanked God for it, in a fiendish tone as though he were cursing.

Captain Hagberd had been so unfavourably impressed by his tenant that once he told Miss Bessie, ‘He is a very extravagant fellow, my dear.

’ She was knitting that day, finishing a pair of socks for her father, who expected her to keep up the supply dutifully. She hated knitting, and, as she was just at the heel part, she had to keep her eyes on her needles.

‘Of course it isn’t as if he had a son to provide for,’ Captain Hagberd went on a little vacantly. ‘Girls, of course, don’t require so much—h’m—h’m. They don’t run away from home, my dear.’

‘No,’ said Miss Bessie, quietly.

Captain Hagberd, amongst the mounds of turned-up earth, chuckled. With his maritime rig, his weather-beaten face, his beard of Father Neptune, he resembled a deposed sea-god who had exchanged the trident for the spade. ‘And he must look upon you as already provided for, in a manner. That’s the best of it with the girls. The husbands...’ He winked. Miss Bessie, absorbed in her knitting, coloured faintly. ‘Bessie! my hat!’ old Carvil bellowed out suddenly. He had been sitting under the tree mute and motionless, like an idol of some remarkably monstrous superstition. He never opened his mouth but to howl for her, at her, sometimes about her; and then he did not moderate the terms of his abuse. Her system was never to answer him at all; and he kept up his shouting till he got attended to— till she shook him by the arm, or thrust the mouthpiece of his pipe between his teeth. He was one of the few blind people who smoke. When he felt the hat being put on his head he stopped his noise at once. Then he rose, and they passed together through the gate.

He weighed heavily on her arm. During their slow, toilful walks she appeared to be dragging with her for a penance the burden of that infirm bulk. Usually they crossed the road at once (the cottages stood in the fields near the harbour, two hundred yards away from the end of the street), and for a long, long time they would remain in view, ascending imperceptibly the flight of wooden steps that led to the top of the sea-wall. It ran on from east to west, shutting out the Channel like a neglected railway embankment, on which no train had ever rolled within memory of man. Groups of sturdy fishermen would emerge upon the sky, walk along for a bit, and sink without haste. Their brown nets, like the cobwebs of gigantic spiders, lay on the shabby grass of the slope; and looking up from the end of the street, the people of the town would recognise the two Carvils, by the creeping slowness of their gait. Captain Hagberd, pottering aimlessly about his cottages, would raise his head to see how they got on in their promenade.

He advertised still in the Sunday papers for Harry Hagberd. These sheets were read in foreign parts to the end of the world, he informed Bessie. At the same time he seemed to think that his son was in England—so near to Colebrook that he would of course turn up ‘tomorrow’. Bessie, without committing herself to that opinion in so many words, argued that in that case the expense of advertising was unnecessary; Captain Hagberd had better spend that weekly half-crown on himself. She declared she did not know what he lived on. Her argumentation would puzzle him and cast him down for a time. ‘They all do it,’ he pointed out. There was a whole column devoted to appeals after missing relatives. He would bring the newspaper to show her. He and his wife had advertised for years; only she was an impatient woman. The news from Colebrook had arrived the very day after her funeral; if she had not been so impatient she might have been here now, with no more than one day more to wait. ‘You are not an impatient woman, my dear.’

‘I’ve no patience with you, sometimes,’ she would say. If he still advertised for his son he did not offer rewards for information any more: for, with the muddled lucidity of a mental derangement, he had reasoned himself into a conviction as clear as daylight that he had already attained all that could be expected in that way. What more could he want? Colebrook was the place, and there was no need to ask for more. Miss Carvil praised him for his good sense, and he was soothed by the part she took in his hope, which had become his delusion; in that idea which blinded his mind to truth and probability, just as the other old man in the other cottage had been made blind, by another disease, to the light and beauty of the world.

But anything he could interpret as a doubt—any coldness of assent, or even a simple inattention to the development of his projects of a home with his returned son and his son’s wife—would irritiate him into flings and jerks and wicked side glances. He would dash his spade into the ground and walk to and fro before it. Miss Bessie called it his tantrums. She shook her finger at him. Then, when she came out again, after he had parted with her in anger, he would watch out of the corner of his eyes for the least sign of encouragement to approach the iron railings and resume his fatherly and patronising relations.

For all their intimacy, which had lasted some years now, they had never talked without a fence or a railing between them. He described to her all the splendours accumulated for the setting-up of their housekeeping, but had never invited her to an inspection. No human eye was to behold them till Harry had his first look. In fact, nobody had ever been inside his cottage: he did his own housework, and he guarded his son’s privilege so jealously that the small objects of domestic use he bought sometimes in the town were smuggled rapidly across the front garden under his canvas coat. Then, coming out, he would remark apologetically, ‘It was only a small kettle, my dear.’

And, if not too tired with her drudgery, or worried beyond endurance by her father, she would laugh at him with a blush, and say: ‘That’s all right, Captain Hagberd; I am not impatient.’

‘Well, my dear, you haven’t long to wait now,’ he would answer with a sudden bashfulness, and looking about uneasily, as though he had suspected that there was something wrong somewhere.

Every Monday she paid him his rent over the railings. He clutched the shillings greedily. He grudged every penny he had to spend on his maintenance, and when he left her to make his purchases his bearing changed as soon as he got into the street. Away from the sanction of her pity, he felt himself exposed without defence. He brushed the walls with his shoulder. He mistrusted the queerness of the people: yet, by then, even the town children had left off calling after him, and the tradesmen served him without a word. The slightest allusion to his clothing had the power to puzzle and frighten especially, as if it were something utterly unwarranted and incomprehensible. In the autumn, the driving rain drummed on his sailcloth suit saturated almost to the stiffness of sheet iron, with its surface flowing with water. When the weather was too bad, he retreated under the tiny porch, and, standing close against the door, looked at his spade left planted in the middle of the yard. The ground was so much dug up all over, that as the season advanced it turned to a quagmire. When it froze hard, he was disconsolate. What would Harry say? And as he could not have so much of Bessie’s company at that time of year, the roars of old Carvil, that came muffled through the closed windows, calling her indoors, exasperated him greatly.

‘Why don’t that extravagant fellow get you a servant?’ he asked impatiently one mild afternoon. She had thrown something over her head to run out for a while. ‘I don’t know,’ said the pale Bessie, wearily, staring away with her heavy-lidded, grey, and unexpectant glance. There were always smudgy shadows under her eyes, and she did not seem able to see any change or any end to her life. ‘You wait till you get married, my dear,’ said her only friend, drawing closer to the fence. ‘Harry will get you one.’

His hopeful craze seemed to mock her own want of hope with so bitter an aptness that in her nervous irritation she could have screamed at him outright. But she only said in self-mockery, and speaking to him as though he had been sane, ‘Why, Captain Hagberd, your son may not even want to look at me.’

He flung his head back and laughed his throaty affected cackle of anger. ‘What! That boy? Not want to look at the only sensible girl for miles around? What do you think I am here for, my dear—my dear—my dear? What? You wait. You just wait. You’ll see tomorrow. I’ll soon—’ ‘Bessie! Bessie! Bessie!’ howled old Carvil inside. ‘Bessie!—my pipe!’ That fat blind man had given himself up to a very lust of laziness. He would not lift his hand to reach for the things she took care to leave at his very elbow. He would not move a limb; he would not rise from his chair, he would not put one foot before another in that parlour (where he knew his way as well as if he had his sight) without calling her to his side and hanging all his atrocious weight on her shoulder. He would not eat one single mouthful of food without her close attendance. He had made himself helpless beyond his affliction, to enslave her better. She stood still for a moment, setting her teeth in the dusk, then turned and walked slowly indoors.

Captain Hagberd went back to his spade. The shouting in Carvil’s cottage stopped, and after a while the window of the parlour downstairs was lit up. A man coming from the end of the street with a firm leisurely step passed on, but seemed to have caught sight of Captain Hagberd, because he turned back a pace or two. A cold white light lingered in the western sky. The man leaned over the gate in an interested manner.

‘You must be Captain Hagberd,’ he said, with easy assurance.

The old man spun round, pulling out his spade, startled by the strange voice. ‘Yes, I am,’ he answered nervously. The other, smiling straight at him, uttered very slowly: ‘You’ve been advertising for your son, I believe?’ ‘My son Harry,’ mumbled Captain Hagberd, off his guard for once. ‘He’s coming home tomorrow.’ ‘The devil he is!’ The stranger marvelled greatly, and then went on, with only a slight change of tone: ‘You’ve grown a beard like Father Christmas himself.’ Captain Hagberd drew a little nearer, and leaned forward over his spade. ‘Go your way’, he said, resentfully and timidly at the same time, because he was always afraid of being laughed at. Every mental state, even madness, has its equilibrium based upon self-esteem. Its disturbance causes unhappiness: and Captain Hagberd lived amongst a scheme of settled notions which it pained him to feel disturbed by people’s grins. Yes, people’s grins were awful. They hinted at something wrong: but what? He could not tell; and that stranger was obviously grinning—had come on purpose to grin. It was bad enough on the streets, but he had never before been outraged like this. The stranger, unaware how near he was of having his head laid open with a spade, said seriously: ‘I am not trepassing where I stand, am I? I fancy there’s something wrong about your news. Suppose you let me come in.’ ‘You come in!’ murmured old Hagberd, with inexpressible horror. ‘I could give you some real information about your son— the very latest tip, if you care to hear.’

‘No,’ shouted Hagberd. He began to pace wildly to and fro, he shouldered his spade, he gesticulated with his other arm. ‘Here’s a fellow—a grinning fellow, who says there’s something wrong. I’ve got more information than you’re aware of. I’ve all the information I want. I’ve had it for years—for years—for years—enough to last me till tomorrow. Let you come in, indeed! What would Harry say?’

Bessie Carvil’s figure appeared in black silhouette on the parlour window: then, with the sound of an opening door, flitted out before the other cottage, all black, but with something white over her head. These two voices beginning to talk suddenly outside (she had heard them indoors) had given her such an emotion that she could not utter a sound.

Captain Hagberd seemed to be trying to find his way out of a cage. His feet squelched in the puddles left by his industry. He stumbled in the holes of the ruined grassplot. He ran blindly against the fence. ‘Here, steady a bit!’ said the man at the gate, gravely, stretching his arm over and catching him by the sleeve. ‘Somebody’s been trying to get at you. Hallo! what’s this rig you’ve got on? Storm canvas, by George!’ He had a big laugh. ‘Well, you are a character!’ Captain Hagberd jerked himself free, and began to back away shrinkingly. ‘For the present,’ he muttered, in a crestfallen tone. ‘What’s the matter with him?’ The stranger addressed Bessie with the utmost familiarity, in a deliberate, explanatory tone. ‘I didn’t want to startle the old man’. He lowered his voice as though he had known her for years. ‘I dropped into a barber’s on my way, to get a two penny shave, and they told me there he was something of a character. The old man has been a character all his life.

’ Captain Hagberd, daunted by the allusion to his clothing, had retreated inside, taking his spade with him; and the two at the gate, startled by the unexpected slamming of the door, heard the bolts being shot, the snapping of the lock, and the echo of an affected gurgling laugh within.

‘I didn’t want to upset him,’ the man said, after a short silence. ‘What’s the meaning of all this? He isn’t quite crazy?’ ‘He has been worrying a long time about his lost son,’ said Bessie, in a low, apologetic tone. ‘Well, I am his son.’ ‘Harry!’ she cried—and was profoundly silent. ‘Know my name? Friends with the old man, eh?’

‘He’s our landlord,’ Bessie faltered out, catching hold of the iron railing.

‘Owns both them rabbit-hutches, does he?’ commented young Hagberd scornfully: ‘just the thing he would be proud of. Can you tell me who’s that chap coming tomorrow? You must know something of it. I tell you, it’s a swindle on the old man—nothing else.

’ She did not answer, helpless before an insurmountable difficulty, appalled before the necessity, the impossibility and the dread of an explanation in which she and madness seemed involved together. ‘Oh—I am so sorry,’ she murmured.

‘What’s the matter?’ he said, with serenity. ‘You needn’t be afraid of upsetting me. It’s the other fellow that’ll be upset when he least expects it. I don’t care a hang; but there will be some fun when he shows his mug tomorrow. I don’t care that for the old man’s pieces, but right is right. You shall see me put a head on that coon—whoever he is!’

He had come nearer, and towered above her on the other side of the railings. He glanced at her hands. He fancied she was trembling, and it occurred to him that she had her part perhaps in that little game that was to be sprung on his old man tomorrow. He had come just in time to spoil their sport. He was entertained by the idea— scornful of the baffled plot. But all his life he had been full of indulgence for all sorts of women’s tricks; she really was trembling very much; her wrap had slipped off her head. ‘Poor devil!’ he thought. ‘Never mind about that chap. I daresay he’ll change his mind before tomorrow. But what about me? I can’t loaf about the gate till the morning.’ She burst out: ‘It is you—you yourself that he’s waiting for. It is you who come tomorrow.’

He murmured ‘Oh! It’s me!’ blankly, and they seemed to become breathless together. Apparently he was pondering over what he had heard; then, without irritation, but evidently perplexed, he said: ‘I don’t understand. I hadn’t written or anything. It’s my chum who saw the paper and told me—this very morning... Eh? what?’

He bent his ear; she whispered rapidly, and he listened for a while, muttering the words ‘yes’ and ‘I see’ at times. Then, ‘But why won’t today do?’ he queried at last.

‘You didn’t understand me!’ she exclaimed impatiently. The clear streak of light under the clouds died out in the west. Again he stooped slightly to hear better; and the deep night buried everything of the whispering woman and the attentive man, except the familiar contiguity of their faces, with its air of secrecy and caress.

He squared his shoulders; the broad-brimmed shadow of a hat sat cavalierly on his head. ‘Awkward, this, eh?’ he appealed to her. ‘Tomorrow? Well, well! Never heard tell of anything like this. It’s all tomorrow, then, without any sort of today, as far as I can see.’ She remained still and mute. ‘And you have been encouraging this funny notion,’ he said. ‘I never contradicted him.’ ‘Why didn’t you?’ ‘What for should I?’ she defended herself. ‘It would only have made him miserable. He would have gone out of his mind.’

‘His mind!’ he muttered, and heard a short nervous laugh from her. ‘Where was the harm? Was I to quarrel with the poor old man? It was easier to half believe it myself.’ ‘Aye, aye,’ he meditated intelligently. ‘I suppose the old chap got around you somehow with his soft talk. You are good-hearted.’ Her hands moved up in the dark nervously. ‘And it might have been true. It was true. It has come. Here it is. This is the tomorrow we have been waiting for.’

She drew a breath, and he said good-humouredly: ‘Aye, with the door shut. I wouldn’t care if... And you think he could be brought round to recognise me... Eh? What?... You could do it? In a week you say? H’m, I daresay you could—but do you think I could hold out a week in this dead-alive place? Not me. I want either hard work, or an all-fired racket, or more space than there is in the whole of England. I have been in this place, though, once before, and for more than a week. The old man was advertising for me then, and a chum I had with me had a notion of getting a couple of quid out of him by writing a lot of silly nonsense in a letter. That lark did not come off, though. We had to clear out—and none too soon. But this time I’ve a chum waiting for me in London, and besides...

’ Bessie Carvel was breathing quickly. ‘What if 1 tried a knock at the door?’ he suggested. ‘Try,’ she said. Captain Hagberd’s gate squeaked, and the shadow of his son moved on, then stopped with another deep laugh in the throat, like the father’s, only soft and gentle, thrilling to the woman’s heart, awakening to her ears. ‘He isn’t frisky—is he? I would be afraid to lay hold of him. The chaps are always telling me I don’t know my own strength.’

‘He’s the most harmless creature that ever lived,’ she interrupted. ‘You wouldn’t say so if you had seen him chasing me upstairs with a hard leather strap,’ he said; ‘I haven’t forgotten it in sixteen years.’

She got warm from head to foot under another soft subdued laugh. At the rat-tat-tat of the knocker her heart flew into her mouth. ‘Hey, dad! Let me in. I am Harry, I am. Straight! Come back home a day too soon.’ One of the windows upstairs ran up. ‘A grinning information fellow,’ said the voice of old Hagberd, up in the darkness.

‘Don’t you have anything to do with him. It will spoil everything.’ She heard Harry Hagberd say, ‘Hallo, dad’, then a clanging clatter. The window rumbled down, and he stood before her again.

‘It’s just like old times. Nearly walloped the life out of me to stop me going away, and now I come back he throws a confounded shovel at my head to keep me out. It grazed my shoulder.’

She shuddered.

‘I wouldn’t care,’ he began, ‘only I spent my last shillings on the railway fare and my last twopence on a shave—out of respect for the old man.’ ‘Are you really Harry Hagberd?’ she asked swiftly.

‘Can you prove it?’ ‘Can I prove it? Can any one else prove it?’ he said jovially. ‘Prove with what? What do I want to prove? There isn’t a single corner in the world, barring England, perhaps, where you could not find some man, or more likely a woman, that would remember me for Harry Hagberd. I am more like Harry Hagberd than any man alive: and I can prove it to you in a minute, if you will let me step inside your gate.’ ‘Come in,’ she said.

He entered then the front garden of the Carvils. His tall shadow strode with a swagger; she turned her back on the window and waited, watching the shape, of which the footfalls seemed the most material part. The light fell on a tilted hat; a powerful shoulder, that seemed to cleave the darkness; on a leg stepping out. He swung about and stood still, facing the illuminated parlour window at her back, turning his head from side to side, laughing softly to himself. ‘Just fancy, for a minute, the old man’s beard stuck on to my chin. Hey? Now say. I was the very spit of him from a boy.’ ‘It’s true,’ she murmured to herself.

‘And that’s about as far as it goes. He was always one of your domestic characters. Why, I remember how he used to go about looking very sick for three days before he had to leave home on one of his trips to South Shields for coal. He had a standing charter from the gas-works. You would think he was off on a whaling cruise—three years and a tail. Ha, ha! Not a bit of it. Ten days on the outside. The Skimmer of the Seas was a smart craft. Fine name, wasn’t it? Mother’s uncle owned her...’

He interrupted himself, and in a lowered voice, ‘Did he ever tell you what mother died of?’ he asked. ‘Yes,’ said Miss Bessie, bitterly. ‘From impatience.’ He made no sound for a while; then brusquely: ‘They were so afraid I would turn out badly that they fairly drove me away. Mother nagged at me for being idle, and the old man said he would cut my soul out of my body rather than let me go to sea. Well, it looked as if he would do it too—so I went. It looks to me sometimes as if I had been born to them by a mistake—in that other hutch of a house.’ ‘Where ought you to have been born by rights?’ Bessie Carvil interrupted him defiantly. ‘In the open, upon a beach, on a windy night,’ he said, quick as lightning. Then he mused slowly. ‘They were characters, both of them, by George; and the old man keeps it up well—don’t he? A damned shovel on the—Hark! who’s that making that row? “Bessie, Bessie.” It’s in your house.’ ‘It’s for me,’ she said with indifference. He stepped aside, out of the streak of light. ‘Your husband?’ he inquired, with the tone of a man accustomed to unlawful trysts. ‘Fine voice for a ship’s deck in a thundering squall.’ ‘No; my father. I am not married.’ ‘You seem a fine girl, Miss Bessie dear,’ he said at once. She turned her face away. ‘Oh, I say,—what’s up? Who’s murdering him?’ ‘He wants his tea.’ She faced him, still and tall, with averted head, with her hands hanging clasped before her. ‘Hadn’t you better go in?’ he suggested, after watching for a while the nape of her neck, a patch of dazzling white skin and soft shadow above the sombre line of her shoulders. Her wrap had slipped down to her elbows. ‘You’ll have all the town coming out presently. I’ll wait here a bit.’

Her wrap fell to the ground, and he stooped to pick it up: she had vanished. He threw it over his arm, and approaching the window squarely he saw a monstrous form of a fat man in an armchair, an unshaded lamp, the yawning of an enormous mouth in a big feat face encircled by a ragged halo of hair,—Miss Bessie’s head and bust. The shouting stopped; the blind ran down.

He lost himself in thinking how awkward it was. Father mad; no getting into the house. No money to get back; a hungry chum in London who would begin to think he had been given the go-by. ‘Damn!’ he muttered. He could break the door in, certainly; but they would perhaps bundle him into chokey for that without asking questions—no great matter, only he was confoundedly afraid of being locked up, even in mistake. He turned cold at the thought. He stamped his feet on the sodden grass. ‘What are you?—a sailor?’ said an agitated voice. She had flitted out, a shadow herself, attracted by the reckless shadow waiting under the wall of her home.

‘Anything. Enough of a sailor to be worth my salt before the mast. Came home that way this time.’ ‘Where do you come from?’ she asked. ‘Right away from a jolly good spree,’ he said, ‘by the London train—see? Ough! I hate being shut up in a train. I don’t mind a house so much.’ ‘Ah,’ she said; ‘that’s lucky.’ ‘Because in a house you can at any time open the blamed door and walk away straight before you.’ ‘And never come back?’ ‘Not for sixteen years at least,’ he laughed. ‘To a rabbit hutch, and get a confounded old shovel...’ ‘A ship is not so very big,’ she taunted. ‘No, but the sea is great.’ She dropped her head, and as if her ears had been opened to the voices of the world, she heard beyond the rampart of sea-wall the swell of yesterday’s gale breaking on the beach with monotonous and solemn vibrations, as if all the earth had been a tolling bell.

‘And then, why, a ship’s a ship. You love her and leave her; and a voyage isn’t a marriage.’ He quoted the sailor’s saying lightly.

‘It is not a marriage,’ she whispered.

‘I never took a false name, and I’ve never yet told a lie to a woman. What lie? Why, the lie—. Take me or leave me, I say: and if you take me, then it is...’ He hummed a snatch very low, leaning against the wall

. Oh, oh, ho! Rio!... And fare thee well, My bonnie young girl, We’re bound to Rio... Grande. ‘Capstan song,’ he explained. Her teeth chattered. ‘You are cold,’ he said. ‘Here’s that affair of yours I picked up.’ She felt his hands about her, wrapping her closely. ‘Hold the ends together in front,’ he commanded. ‘What did you come here for?’

she asked, repressing a shudder. ‘Five quid,’ he answered promptly. ‘We let our spree go on a little too long and got hard up.’ ‘You’ve been drinking?’ she said. ‘Blind three days; on purpose. I am not given that way— don’t you think. There’s nothing and nobody that can get over me unless I like. I can be as steady as a rock. My chum sees the paper this morning and says he to me: “Go on, Harry: loving parent. That’s five quid sure.” So we scraped all our pockets for the fare. Devil of a lark!’ ‘You have a hard heart, I am afraid,’ she sighed.

‘What for? For running away? Why! he wanted to make a lawyer’s clerk of me—just to please himself. Master in his own house; and my poor mother egged him on—for my good, I suppose. Well, then—so long; and I went. No, I tell you: the day I cleared out, I was all black and blue from his great fondness for me. Ah! he was always a bit of a character. Look at that shovel, now. Off his chump? Not much. That’s just exactly like my dad. He wants me here just to have somebody to order about. However, we two were hard up; and what’s five quid to him—once in sixteen hard years?’

‘Oh, but I am sorry for you. Did you never wait to come back home?’

‘Be a lawyer’s clerk and rot here—in some such place as this?’ he cried in contempt. ‘What! if the old man set me up in a home today, I would kick it down about my ears— or else die there before the third day was out.’ ‘And where else is it that you hope to die?’ ‘In the bush somewhere; in the sea; on a blamed mountain-top for choice. At home? Yes! the world’s my home; but I expect I’ll die in a hospital some day. What of that? Any place is good enough, as long as I’ve lived; and I’ve been everything you can think of almost but a tailor or soldier. I’ve been a boundary rider; I’ve sheared sheep; and humped my swag; and harpooned a whale. I’ve rigged ships, and prospected for gold, and skinned dead bullocks,—and turned my back on more money than the old man would have scraped in his whole life. Ha, ha!’ He overwhelmed her. She pulled herself together and managed to utter, ‘Time to rest now.’

He straightened himself up, away from the wall, and in a severe voice said, ‘Time to go.’ But he did not move. He leaned back again, and hummed thoughtfully a bar or two of an outlandish tune. She felt as if she were about to cry. ‘That’s another of your cruel songs,’ she said.

‘Learned it in Mexico—in Sonora.’ He talked easily. ‘It is the song of the Gambusinos. You don’t know? The song of restless men. Nothing could hold them in one place— not even a woman. You used to meet one of them now and again, in the old days, on the edge of the gold country, away north there beyond the Rio Gila. I’ve seen it. A prospecting engineer in Mazatlan took me along with him to help look after the waggons. A sailor’s a handy chap to have about you anyhow. It’s all a desert: cracks in the earth that you can’t see the bottom of; and mountains— sheer rocks standing up high like walls and church spires, only a hundred times bigger. The valleys are full of boulders and black stones. There’s not a blade of grass to see; and the sun sets more red over that country than I have seen it anywhere—blood-red and angry. It is fine.’

‘You do not want to go back there again?’ she stammered out.

He laughed a little. ‘No. That’s the blamed gold country. It gave me the shivers sometimes to look at it—and we were a big lot of men together, mind; but these Gambusinos wandered alone. They knew that country before anybody had ever heard of it. They had a sort of gift for prospecting, and the fever of it was on them too; and they did not seem to want the gold very much. They would find some rich spot, and then turn their backs on it; pick up perhaps a little—enough for a spree—and then be off again, looking for more. They never stopped long where there were houses: they had no wife, no chick, no home, never a chum. You couldn’t be friends with a Gambusino; they were too restless—here today, and gone, God knows where, tomorrow. They told no one of their finds, and there has never been a Gambusino well off. It was not for the gold they cared; it was the wandering about looking for it in the stony country that got into them and wouldn’t let them rest: so that no woman yet born could hold a Gambusino for more than a week. That’s what the song says. It’s all about a pretty girl that tried hard to keep hold of a Gambusino lover, so that he should bring her lots of gold. No fear! Off he went, and she never saw him again.’

‘What became of her?’ she breathed out. ‘The song don’t tell. Cried a bit, I daresay. They were the fellows: kiss and go. But it’s the looking for a thing—a something... Sometimes I think I am a sort of Gambusino myself.’

‘No woman can hold you, then, she began in a brazen voice, which quavered suddenly before the end. ‘No longer than a week,’ he joked, playing upon her very heartstrings with the gay, tender note of his laugh; ‘and yet I am fond of them all. Anything for a woman of the right sort. The scrapes they got me into, and the scrapes they got me out of! I love them at first sight. I’ve fallen in love with you already, Miss—Bessie’s your name—eh?’

She backed away a little, and with a trembling laugh: ‘You haven’t seen my face yet.’

He bent forward gallantly. ‘A little pale: it suits some. But you are a fine figure of a girl. Miss Bessie.’ She was all in a flutter. Nobody had ever said so much to her before.

His tone changed. ‘I am getting middling hungry, though. Had no breakfast today. Couldn’t you scare up some bread from that tea for me, or—’ She was gone already. He had been on the point of asking her to let him come inside. No matter. Anywhere would do. Devil of a fix! What would his chum think? ‘I didn’t ask you as a beggar,’ he said jestingly, taking a piece of bread-and-butter from the plate she held before him. ‘I asked as a friend. My dad is rich, you know.’ ‘He starves himself for your sake.’ ‘And I have starved for his whim,’ he said, taking up another piece. ‘All he has in the world is for you,’ she pleaded. ‘Yes, if I come here to sit on it like a dam’ toad in a hole. Thank you; and what about the shovel, eh? He always had a queer way of showing his love.’ ‘I could bring him round in a week,’ she suggested timidly. He was too hungry to answer her; and, holding the plate submissively to his hand, she began to whisper up to him in a quick, panting voice. He listened, amazed, eating slower and slower, till at last his jaws stopped altogether. ‘That’s his game, is it?’ he said, in a rising tone of scathing contempt. An ungovernable movement of his arm sent the plate flying out of her fingers. He shot out a violent curse. She shrank from him, putting her hand against the wall.

‘No!’ he raged. ‘He expects! Expects me—for his rotten money!... Who wants his home? Mad—not he! Don’t you think. He wants his own way. He wanted to turn me into a miserable lawyer’s clerk, and now he wants to make of me a blamed tame rabbit in a cage. Of me! Of me! His subdued angry laugh frightened her now.

‘The whole world ain’t a bit too big for me to spread my elbows in, I can tell you—what’s your name—Bessie—let alone a dam’ parlour in a hutch. Marry! He wants me to marry and settle! And as likely as not he has looked out the girl too—dash my soul! And do you know the Judy, may I ask?’

She shook all over with noiseless dry sobs; but he was fuming and fretting too much to notice her distress. He bit his thumb with rage at the mere idea. A window rattled up. ‘A grinning, information fellow,’ pronounced old Hagberd dogmatically, in measured tones. And the sound of his voice seemed to Bessie to make the night itself mad— to pour insanity and disaster on the earth. ‘Now I know what’s wrong with the people here, my dear. Why, of course! With this mad chap going about. Don’t you have anything to do with him, Bessie. Bessie, I say!’ They stood as if dumb. The old man fidgeted and mumbled to himself at the window. Suddenly he cried piercingly: ‘Bessie—I see you. I’ll tell Harry.’ She made a movement as if to run away, but stopped and raised her hands to her temples. Young Hagberd, shadowy and big, stirred no more than a man of bronze. Over their heads the crazy night whimpered and scolded in an old man’s voice. ‘Send him away, my dear. He’s only a vagabond. What you want is a good home of your own. That chap has no home—he’s not like Harry. He can’t be Harry. Harry is coming tomorrow. Do you hear? One day more,’ he babbled more excitedly; ‘never you fear—Harry shall marry you.’

His voice rose very shrill and mad against the regular deep soughing of the swell coiling heavily about the outer face of the sea-wall.

‘He will have to. I shall make him, or if not’—he swore a great oath—‘I’ll cut him off with a shilling tomorrow, and leave everything to you. I shall. To you. Let him starve.’ The window rattled down.

Harry drew a deep breath, and took one step towards Bessie. ‘So it’s you—the girl,’ he said, in a lowered voice. She had not moved, and she remained half turned away from him, pressing her head in the palms of her hands. ‘My word!’ he continued, with an invisible half-smile on his lips. ‘I have a great mind to stop...’ Her elbows were trembling violently. ‘For a week,’ he finished without a pause. She clapped her hands to her face. He came up quite close, and took hold of her wrists gently. She felt his breath on her ear.

‘It’s a scrape I am in—this, and it is you that must see me through.’ He was trying to uncover her face. She resisted. He let her go then, and stepping back a little, ‘Have you got any money?’ he asked. ‘I must be off now.’ She nodded quickly her shamefaced head, and he waited, looking away from her, where, trembling all over and bowing her neck, she tried to find the pocket of her dress. ‘Here it is!’ she whispered. ‘Oh, go away! go away for God’s sake! If I had more—more—I would give it all to forget—to make you forget.’ He extended his hand. ‘No fear! I haven’t forgotten a single one of you in the world. Some gave me more than money—but I am a beggar now—and you women always had to get me out of my scrapes.’

He swaggered up to the parlour window, and in the dim light filtering through the blind, looked at the coin lying in his palm. It was a half-sovereign. He slipped it into his pocket. She stood a little on one side, with her head drooping, as if wounded; with her arms hanging passive by her side, as if dead.

‘You can’t buy me in,’ he said, ‘and you can’t buy yourself out.’

He set his hat firmly with a little tap, and next moment she felt herself lifted up in the powerful embrace of his arms. Her feet lost the ground; her head hung back; he showered kisses on her face with a silent and overmastering ardour, as if in haste to get at her very soul. He kissed her pale cheeks, her hard forehead, her heavy eyelids, her faded lips; and the measured blows and sighs of the rising tide accompanied the enfolding power of his arms, the overwhelming might of his caresses. It was as if the sea, breaking down the wall protecting all the homes of the town, had sent a wave over her head. It passed on; she staggered backwards, with her shoulders against the wall, exhausted, as if she had been stranded there after a storm and a shipwreck. She opened her eyes after a while; and, listening to the firm, leisurely footsteps going away with their conquest, began to gather her skirts, staring all the time before her. Suddenly she darted through the open gate into the dark and deserted street. ‘Stop!’ she shouted. ‘Don’t go!’ And listening with an attentive poise of the head, she could not tell whether it was the beat of the swell or his fateful tread that seemed to fall cruelly upon her heart. Presently every sound grew fainter, as though she were slowly turning into stone. A fear of this awful silence came to her—worse than the fear of death. She called upon her ebbing strength for the final appeal:

‘Harry!’

Not even the dying echo of a footstep. Nothing. The thundering of the surf, the voice of the restless sea itself, seemed stopped. There was not a sound—no whisper of life, as though she were alone, and lost in that stony country of which she had heard, where madmen go looking for gold and spurn the find.

Captain Hagberd, inside his dark house, had kept on the alert. A window ran up; and in the silence of the stony country a voice spoke above her head, high up in the black air—the voice of madness, lies and despair—the voice of inextinguishable hope. ‘Is he gone yet—that information fellow? Do you hear him about, my dear?’

She burst into tears. ‘No! no! no! I don’t hear him any more,’ she sobbed.

He began to chuckle up there triumphantly. ‘You frightened him away. Good girl. Now we shall be all right. Don’t you be impatient, my dear. One day more.’ In the other house old Carvil, wallowing regally in his arm-chair, with a globe lamp burning by his side on the table, yelled for her in a fiendish voice: ‘Bessie! Bessie! You, Bessie!’ She heard him at last, and, as if overcome by fate, began to totter silently back towards her stuffy little inferno of a cottage. It had no lofty portal, no terrific inscription of forfeited hopes—she did not understand wherein she had sinned.

Captain Hagberd had gradually worked himself into a state of noisy happiness up there.

‘Go in! Keep quiet!’ she turned upon him tearfully, from the doorstep below.

He rebelled against her authority in his great joy at having got rid at last of that ‘something wrong’. It was as if all the hopeful madness of the world had broken out to bring terror upon her heart, with the voice of that old man shouting of his trust in an everlasting tomorrow.

A WEDDING IN BROWNSVILLE BY ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER | TRANSLATED BY CHANA FAERSLEIN AND ELIZABETH POLLET

A WEDDING IN BROWNSVILLE 

ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER

(TRANSLATED BY CHANA FAERSLEIN AND ELIZABETH POLLET)



Isaac Bashevis Singer was born in Poland. His father and grandfather were rabbis and he was educated at the Warsaw Rabbinical Seminary. In 1935 he emigrated to the US and since then has worked as a regular journalist and columnist for the New York paper, The Jewish Daily Forward. Apart from some early work published in Warsaw, nearly all his fiction has been written in Yiddish for this journal. It is relatively recently that Singer’s work has been translated on any scale and that his merit, and the endurance of his writing, have been recognised by a general audience. He was awarded the Nobel Prize for literature in 1978. His publications include—A Friend of Kafka, The Seance and Other Stories.


The wedding had been a burden to Dr Solomon Margolin from the very beginning. True, it was to take place on a Sunday, but Gretl had been right when she said that was the only evening in the week they could spend together. It always turned out that way. His responsibilities to the community made him give away the evenings that belonged to her. The Zionists had appointed him to a committee; he was a board member of a Jewish scholastic society; he had become co-editor of an academic Jewish quarterly. And though he often referred to himself as an agnostic and even an atheist, nevertheless for years he had been dragging Gretl to Seders at Abraham Mekheles’, a Landsman from Sencimin. Dr Margolin treated rabbis, refugees, and Jewish writers without charge, supplying them with medicines and, if necessary, a hospital bed. There had been a time when he had gone regularly to the meetings of the Senciminer Society, had accepted positions in their ranks, and had attended all the parties. Now Abraham Mekheles was marrying off his youngest daughter, Sylvia. The minute the invitation arrived, Gretl had announced her decision: she was not going to let herself be carted off to a wedding somewhere out in the wilds of Brownsville. If he, Solomon, wanted to go and gorge himself on all kinds of greasy food, coming home at three o’clock in the morning, that was his prerogative. Dr Margolin admitted to himself that his wife was right. When would he get a chance to sleep? He had to be at the hospital early Monday morning. Moreover he was on a strict fat-free diet. A wedding like this one would be a feast of poisons. Everything about such celebrations irritated him now: the Anglicised Yiddish, the Yiddishised English, the ear-splitting music and unruly dances. Jewish laws and customs were completely distorted; men who had no regard for Jewishness wore skullcaps; and the reverend rabbis and cantors aped the Christian ministers. Whenever he took Gretl to a wedding or Bar Mitzvah, he was ashamed. Even she, born a Christian, could see that American Judaism was a mess. At least this time he would be spared the trouble of making apologies to her.

Usually after breakfast on Sunday, he and his wife took a walk in Central Park, or, when the weather was mild, went to the Palisades. But today Solomon Margolin lingered in bed. During the years, he had stopped attending functions of the Senciminer Society; meanwhile the town of Sencimin had been destroyed. His family there had been tortured, burned, gassed. Many Senciminers had survived, and, later, come to America from the camps, but most of them were younger people whom he, Solomon, had not known in the old country. Tonight everyone would be there; the Senciminers belonging to the bride’s family and the Tereshpolers belonging to the groom’s. He knew how they would pester him, reproach him for growing aloof, drop hints that he was a snob. They would address him familiarly, slap him on the back, drag him off to dance.

Well, even so, he had to go to Sylvia’s wedding. He had already sent out the present. The day had dawned, grey and dreary as dusk. Overnight, a heavy snow had fallen. Solomon Margolin had hoped to make up for the sleep he was going to lose, but unfortunately he had woken even earlier than usual. Finally he got up. He shaved himself meticulously at the bathroom mirror and also trimmed the grey hair at his temples. Today of all days he looked his age: there were bags under his eyes, and his face was lined. Exhaustion showed in his features. His nose appeared longer and sharper than usual; there were deep folds at the sides of his mouth. After breakfast he stretched out on the living-room sofa. From there he could see Gretl, who was standing in the kitchen, ironing—blonde, faded, middle-aged. She had on a skimpy petticoat, and her calves were as muscular as a dancer’s. Gretl had been a nurse in the Berlin hospital where he had been a member of the staff. Of her family, one brother, a Nazi, had died of typhus in a Russian prison camp. A second, who was a Communist, had been shot by the Nazis. Her aged father vegetated at the home of his other daughter in Hamburg, and Gretl sent him money regularly. She herself had become almost Jewish in New York. She had made friends with Jewish women, joined Hadassah, learned to cook Jewish dishes. Even her sigh was Jewish. And she lamented continually over the Nazi catastrophe. She had her plot waiting for her beside his in that part of the cemetery that the Senciminers had reserved for themselves.

Dr Margolin yawned, reached for the cigarette that lay in an ashtray on the coffee table beside him, and began to think about himself. His career had gone well. Ostensibly he was a success. He had an office on West End Avenue and wealthy patients. His colleagues respected him, and he was an important figure in Jewish circles in New York. What more could a boy from Sencimin expect? A self-taught man, the son of a poor teacher of Talmud? In person he was tall and quite handsome, and he had always had a way with women. He still pursued them—more than was good for him at his age and with his high blood pressure.

But secretly Solomon Margolin had always felt that he was a failure. As a child he had been acclaimed a prodigy, reciting long passages of the Bible and studying the Talmud and Commentaries on his own. When he was a boy of eleven, he had sent for a Responsum to the rabbi of Tarnow who had referred to him in his reply as ‘great and illustrious’. In his teens he had become a master in the Guide for the Perplexed and the Kuzari. He had taught himself algebra and geometry. At seventeen he had attempted a translation of Spinoza’s Ethics from Latin into Hebrew, unaware that it had been done before. Everyone predicted he would turn out to be a genius. But he had squandered his talents, continually changing his field of study; and he had wasted years in learning languages, in wandering from country to country. Nor had he had any luck with his one great love, Raizel, the daughter of Melekh the watchmaker. Raizel had married someone else and later had been shot by the Nazis. All his life Solomon Margolin had been plagued by the eternal questions. He still lay awake at night trying to solve the mysteries of the universe. He suffered from hypochondria and the fear of death haunted even his dreams. Hitler’s carnage and the extinction of his family had rooted out his last hope for better days, had destroyed all his faith in humanity. He had begun to despise the matrons who came to him with their petty ills while millions were devising horrible deaths for one another.

Gretl came in from the kitchen. ‘What shirt are you going to put on?’ Solomon Margolin regarded her quietly. She had had her own share of troubles. She had suffered in silence for her two brothers, even for Hans, the Nazi. She had gone through a prolonged change of life. Now her face was flushed and covered with beads of sweat. He earned more than enough to pay for a maid, yet Gretl insisted on doing all the housework herself, even the laundry. It had become a mania with her. Every day she scoured the oven. She was forever polishing the windows of their apartment on the sixteenth floor and without using a safety belt. All the other housewives in the building ordered their groceries delivered, but Gretl lugged the heavy bags from the supermarket herself. Now husband and wife sized each other up wryly, feeling the strangeness that comes of great familiarity. He was always amazed at how she had lost her looks. No one feature had altered, but something in her aspect had given way: her pride, her hopefulness, her curiosity. He blurted out: ‘What shirt? It doesn’t matter. A white shirt.’ ‘You’re not going to wear the tuxedo? Wait, I’ll bring you a vitamin.’ ‘I don’t want a vitamin.’ ‘But you yourself say they’re good for you.’ ‘Leave me alone.’ ‘Well, it’s your health, not mine.’ And slowly she walked out of the room, hesitating as if she expected him to remember something and call her back.

Dr Solomon Margolin took a last look in the mirror and left the house. He felt refreshed by the half-hour nap he had had after dinner. Despite his age, he still wanted to impress people with his appearance—even the Senciminers. He had his illusions. In Germany he had taken pride in the fact that he looked like a Junker, and in New York he was often aware that he could pass for an Anglo-Saxon. He was tall, slim, blond, blue-eyed. His hair was thinning, had turned somewhat grey, but he managed to disguise these signs of age. He stooped a little, but in company was quick to straighten up. Years ago in Germany he had worn a monocle and though in New York that would have been too pretentious, his glance still retained a European severity. He had his principles. He had never broken the Hippocratic Oath. With his patients he was honourable to an extreme, avoiding every kind of cant; and he had refused a number of dubious associations that smacked of careerism. Gretl claimed his sense of honour amounted to a mania. Dr Margolin’s car was in the garage— not a Cadillac like that of most of his colleagues—but he decided to go by taxi. He was unfamiliar with Brooklyn and the heavy snow made driving hazardous. He waved his hand and at once a taxi pulled over to the curb. He was afraid the driver might refuse to go as far as Brownsville, but he flicked the meter on without a word. Dr Margolin peered through the frosted window into the wintry Sunday night but there was nothing to be seen. The New York streets sprawled out, wet, dirty, impenetrably dark. After a while, Dr Margolin leaned back, shut his eyes, and retreated into his own warmth. His destination was a wedding. Wasn’t the world, like this taxi, plunging away somewhere into the unknown toward a cosmic destination? May be a cosmic Brownsville, a cosmic wedding? Yes. But why did God—or whatever anyone wanted to call Him—create a Hitler, a Stalin? Why did He need world wars? Why heart attacks, cancers? Dr Margolin took out a cigarette and lit it hesitantly. What had they been thinking of, those pious uncles of his, when they were digging their own graves? Was immortality possible? Was there such a thing as the soul? All the arguments for and against weren’t worth a pinch of dust.

The taxi turned onto the bridge across the East River and for the first time Dr Margolin was able to see the sky. It sagged low, heavy, red as glowing metal. Higher up, a violet glare suffused the vault of the heavens. Snow was sifting down gently, bringing a winter peace to the world, just as it had in the past—forty years ago, a thousand years ago, and perhaps a million years ago. Fiery pillars appeared to glow beneath the East River; on its surface, through black waves jagged as rocks, a tugboat was hauling a string of barges loaded with cars. A front window in the cab was open and icy gusts of wind blew in, smelling of gasoline and the sea. Suppose the weather never changed again? Who then would ever be able to imagine a summer day, a moonlit night, spring? But how much imagination – for what it’s worth—does a man actually have? On Eastern Parkway the taxi was jolted and screeched suddenly to a stop. Some traffic accident, apparently. The siren on police car shrieked. A wailing ambulance drew nearer. Dr Margolin grimaced. Another victim. Someone makes a false turn of the wheel and all a man’s plans in this world are reduced to nothing. A wounded man was carried to the ambulance on a stretcher. Above a dark suit and bloodspattered shirt and bow tie the face had a chalky pallor; one eye was closed, the other partly open and glazed. Perhaps he, too, had been going to a wedding, Dr Margolin thought. He might even have been going to the same wedding as I......

Some time later the taxi started moving again. Solomon Margolin was now driving through streets he had never seen before. It was New York, but it might just as well have been Chicago or Cleveland. They passed through an industrial district with factory buildings, warehouses of coal, lumber, scrap iron. Negroes, strangely black, stood about on the sidewalks, staring ahead, their great dark eyes full of gloomy hopelessness. Occasionally the car would pass a tavern. The people at the bar seemed to have something unearthly about them, as if they were being punished here for sins committed in another incarnation. Just when Solomon Margolin was beginning to suspect that the driver, who had remained stubbornly silent the whole time, had gotten lost or else was deliberately taking him out of his way, the taxi entered a thickly populated neighbourhood. They passed a synagogue, a funeral parlour, and there, ahead, was the wedding hall, all lit up, with its neon Jewish sign and Star of David. Dr Margolin gave the driver a dollar tip and the man took it without uttering a word. Dr Margolin entered the outer lobby and immediately the comfortable intimacy of the Senciminers engulfed him. AII the faces he saw were familiar, though he didn’t recognise individuals. Leaving his hat and coat at the checkroom, he put on a skullcap and entered the hall. It was filled with people and music, with tables heaped with food, a bar stacked with bottles. The musicians were playing an Israeli march that was a hodge-podge of American jazz with Oriental flourishes. Men were dancing with men, women with women, men with women. He saw black skullcaps, white skullcaps, bare heads. Guests kept arriving, pushing their way through the crowd, some still in their hats and coats, munching hors d’oeuvres, drinking schnapps. The hall resounded with stamping, screaming, laughing, clapping. Flash bulbs went off blindingly as the photographers made their rounds. Seeming to come from nowhere, the bride appeared, briskly sweeping up her train, followed by a retinue of bridesmaids. Dr Margolin knew everybody, and yet knew nobody. People spoke to him, laughed, winked, and waved, and he answered each one with a smile, a nod, a bow. Gradually he threw off all his worries, all his depression. He became half-drunk on the amalgam of odours: flowers, sauerkraut, garlic, perfume, mustard, and that nameless odour that only Senciminers emit. ‘Hello, Doctor!’ ‘Hello Schloime-Dovid, you don’t recognise me, eh? Look, he forgot!’ There were the encounters, the regrets, the reminiscences of long ago. ‘But after all, weren’t we neighbours? You used to come to our house to borrow the Yiddish newspaper!’ Someone had already kissed him: a badly shaven snout, a mouth reeking of whiskey and rotten teeth. One woman was so convulsed with laughter that she lost an earring. Margolin tried to pick it up, but it had already been trampled underfoot. ‘You don’t recognise me, eh? Take a good look! It’s Zissel, the son of Chaye Beyle!’ ‘Why don’t you eat something?’ ‘Why don’t you have something to drink? Come over here. Take a glass. What do you want? Whiskey? Brandy? Cognac? Scotch? With soda? With Coca Cola? Take some, it’s good. Don’t let it stand. So long as you’re here, you might as well enjoy yourself.’ ‘My father? He was killed. They were all killed. I’m the only one left of the entire family.’ ‘Berish the son of Feivish? Starved to death in Russia—they sent him to Kazakhstan. His wife? In Israel. She married a Lithuanian.’ ‘Sorele? Shot. Together with her children.’ ‘Yentl? Here at the wedding. She was standing here just a moment ago. There she is, dancing with that tall fellow.’ ‘Abraham Zilberstein? They burned him in the

synagogue with twenty others. A mound of charcoal was all that was left, coal and ash.’ ‘Yosele Budnik? He passed away years ago. You must mean Yekele Budnik. He has a delicatessen store right here in Brownsville—married a widow whose husband made a fortune in real estate.’ ‘Lechayim, Doctor! Lechayim, Schloime-Dovid! It doesn’t offend you that I call you Schloime-Dovid? To me you’re still the same Schloime-Dovid, the little boy with the blond side-curls who recited a whole tractate of the Talmud by heart. You remember, don’t you? It seems like only yesterday. Your father, may he rest in peace, was beaming with pride...’ ‘Your brother Chayim? Your Uncle Oyzer? They killed everyone, everyone. They took a whole people and wiped them out with German efficiency: gleichgeschaltet!’ ‘Have you seen the bride yet? Pretty as a picture, but too much make-up. Imagine, a grandchild of Reb Todros of Radzin! And her grandfather used to wear two skullcaps, one in front and one in back. ‘Do you see that young woman dancing in the yellow dress? It’s Riva’s sister—their father was Moishe the candlemaker. Riva herself? Where all the others ended up: Auschwitz. How close we came ourselves! All of us are really dead, if you want to call it that. We were exterminated, wiped out. Even the survivors carry death in the hearts. But it’s a wedding, we should be cheerful.’ ‘Lechayim, Schloime-Dovid! I would like to congratulate you. Have you a son or daughter to marry off? No? Well, it’s better that way. What’s the sense of having children if people are such murderers?’

It was already time for the ceremony, but someone still had not come. Whether it was the rabbi, the cantor, or one of the in-laws who was missing, nobody seemed able to find out. Abraham Mekheles, the bride’s father, rushed around, scowled, waved his hand, whispered in people’s ears. He looked strange in his rented tuxedo. The Tereshpol mother-in-law was wrangling with one of the photographers. The musicians never stopped playing for an instant. The drum banged, the bass fiddle growled, the saxophone blared. The dances became faster, more abandoned, and more and more people were drawn in. The young men stamped with such force that it seemed the dance floor would break under them. Small boys romped around like goats, and little girls whirled about wildly together. Many of the men were already drunk. They shouted boasts, howled with laughter, kissed strange women. There was so much commotion that Solomon Margolin could no longer grasp what was being said to him and simply nodded yes to everything. Some of the guests had attached themselves to him, wouldn’t move, and kept pulling him in all directions, introducing him to more and more people from Sencimin and Tereshpol. A matron with a nose covered with warts pointed a finger at him, wiped her eyes, called him Schloimele. Solomon Margolin inquired who she was and somebody told him. Names were swallowed up in the tumult. He heard the same words over and over again: died, shot, burned. A man from Tereshpol tried to draw him aside and was shouted down by several Senciminers calling him an intruder who had no business there. A latecomer arrived, a horse and buggy driver from Sencimin who had become a millionaire in New York. His wife and children had perished, but, already, he had a new wife. The woman, weighted with diamonds, paraded about in a low-cut gown that bared a back, covered with blotches, to the waist. Her voice was husky. ‘Where did she come from? Who was she?’ ‘Certainly no saint. Her first husband was a swindler who amassed a fortune and then dropped dead. Of what? Cancer. Where? In the stomach. First you don’t have anything to eat, then you don’t have anything to eat with. A man is always working for the second husband.’ ‘What is life anyway? A dance on the grave.’ ‘Yes, but as long as you’re playing the game, you have to abide by the rules.’ ‘Dr Margolin, why aren’t you dancing? You’re not among strangers. We’re all from the same dust. Over there you weren’t a doctor. You were only Schloime-Dovid, the son of the Talmud teacher. Before you know it, we’ll all be lying side by side.’

Margolin didn’t recall drinking anything but he felt intoxicated all the same. The foggy hall was spinning like a carousel; the floor was rocking. Standing in a corner, he contemplated the dance. What different expressions the dancers wore. How many combinations and permutations of being the Creator had brought together here. Every face told its own story. They were dancing together, these people, but each one had his own philosophy, his own approach. A man grabbed Margolin and for a while he danced in the frantic whirl. Then, tearing himself loose, he stood apart. Who was that woman? He found his eye caught by her familiar form. He knew her! She beckoned to him. He stood baffled. She looked neither young nor old. Where had he known her—that narrow face, those dark eyes, that girlish smile? Her hair was arranged in the old manner, with long braids wound like a wreath around her head. The grace of Sencimin adorned her—something he, Margolin, had long since forgotten. And those eyes, he was in love with those eyes and had been all his life. He half smiled at her and the woman smiled back. There were dimples in her cheeks. She too appeared surprised. Margolin, though he realised he had begun to blush like a boy, went up to her. ‘I know you—but you’re not from Sencimin?’ ‘Yes, from Sencimin.’ He had heard that voice long ago. He had been in love with that voice. ‘From Sencimin—who are you, then?’ Her lips trembled. ‘You’ve forgotten me already?’ ‘It’s a long time since I left Sencimin.’ ‘You used to visit my father.’ ‘Who was your father?’ ‘Melekh the watchmaker.’ Dr Margolin shivered. ‘If I’m not out of my mind then I’m seeing things.’ ‘Why do you say that?’ ‘Because Raizel is dead.’

‘I’m Raizel.’ ‘You’re Raizel? Here? Oh my God, if that’s true—then anything is possible! When did you come to New York?’ ‘Some time ago.’ ‘From where?’ ‘From over there.’ ‘But everyone told me that you were all dead.’ ‘My father, my mother, my brother Hershl...’ ‘But you were married!’ ‘I was.’ ‘If that’s true, then anything is possible!’ repeated Dr Margolin, still shaken by the incredible happening. Someone must have purposely deceived him. But why? He was aware there was a mistake somewhere but could not determine where. ‘Why didn’t you let me know? After all...’ He fell silent. She too was silent for a moment. ‘I lost everything. But I still had some pride left.’ ‘Come with me somewhere quieter—anywhere. This is the happiest day of my life!’ ‘But it’s night...’ ‘Then the happiest night! Almost—as if the Messiah had come, as if the dead had come to life!’

‘Where do you want to go? All right, let’s go.’ Margolin took her arm and felt at once the thrill, long forgotten, of youthful desire. He steered her away from the other guests, afraid that he might lose her in the crowd, or that someone would break in and spoil his happiness. Everything had returned on the instant: the embarrassment, the agitation, the joy. He wanted to take her away, to hide somewhere alone with her. Leaving the reception hall, they went upstairs to the chapel where the wedding ceremony was to take place. The door was standing open. Inside, on a raised platform stood the permanent wedding canopy. A bottle of wine and a silver goblet were placed in readiness for the ceremony. The chapel with its empty pews and only one glimmering light was full of shadows. The music, so blaring below, sounded soft and distant up here. Both of them hesitated at the threshold. Margolin pointed to the wedding canopy.

‘We could have stood there.’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Tell me about yourself. Where are you now? What are you doing?’ ‘It is not easy to tell.’ ‘Are you alone? Are you attached?’ ‘Attached? No.’ ‘Would you never have let me hear from you?’ he asked. She didn’t answer. Gazing at her, he knew his love had returned with full force. Already, he was trembling at the thought that they might soon have to part. The excitement and expectancy of youth filled him. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her, but at any moment someone might come in. He stood beside her, ashamed that he had married someone else, that he had not personally confirmed the reports of her death. ‘How could I have suppressed all this love? How could I have accepted the world without her? And what will happen now with Gretl?—I’ll give her everything, my last cent.’ He looked round toward the stairway to see if any of the guests had started to come up. The thought came to him that by Jewish law he was not married, for he and Gretl had had only a civil ceremony. He looked at Raizel. ‘According to Jewish law, I’m a single man.’

‘Is that so?’ ‘According to Jewish law, I could lead you up there and marry you.’ She seemed to be considering the import of his words. ‘Yes, I realise...’ ‘According to Jewish law, I don’t even need a ring. One can get married with a penny.’ ‘Do you have a penny?’ He put his hand to his breast pocket, but his wallet was gone. He started searching in his other pockets. Have I been robbed? he wondered. But how? I was sitting in the taxi the whole time. Could someone have robbed me here at the wedding? He was not so much disturbed as surprised. He said falteringly: ‘Strange, but I don’t have any money.’

‘We’ll get along without it.’ ‘But how am I going to get home?’ ‘Why go home?’ she said, countering with a question. She smiled with that homely smile of hers that was so full of mystery. He took her by the wrist and gazed at her. Suddenly it occurred to him that this could not be his Raizel. She was too young. Probably it was her daughter who was playing along with him, mocking him. For God’s sake, I’m completely confused! he thought. He stood bewildered, trying to untangle the years. He couldn’t tell her age from her features. Her eyes were deep, dark, and melancholy. She also appeared confused, as if she, too, sensed some discrepancy. The whole thing is a mistake, Margolin told himself. But where exactly was the mistake? And what had happened to the wallet? Could he have left it in the taxi after paying the driver? He tried to remember how much cash he had had in it, but was unable to. ‘I must have had too much to drink. These people have made me drunk—dead drunk!’ For a long time he stood silent, lost in some dreamless state, more profound than a narcotic trance. Suddenly he remembered the traffic collision he had witnessed on Eastern Parkway. An eerie suspicion came over him: perhaps he had been more than a witness? Perhaps he himself had been the victim of that accident! That man on the stretcher looked strangely familiar. Dr Margolin began to examine himself as though he were one of his own patients. He could find no trace of pulse or breathing. And he felt oddly deflated as if some physical dimension were missing. The sensation of weight, the muscular tension of his limbs, the hidden aches in his bones, all seemed to be gone. It can’t be, it can’t be, he murmured. Can one die without knowing it? And what will Gretl do?

He blurted out: ‘You’re not the same Raizel.’ ‘No? Then who am I?’ ‘They shot Raizel.’ ‘Shot her? Who told you that?’ She seemed both frightened and perplexed. Silently she lowered her head like someone receiving the shock of bad news. Dr Margolin continued to ponder. Apparently Raizel didn’t realise her own condition. He had heard of such a state—what was it called? Hovering in the World of Twilight. The Astral Body wandering in semi-consciousness, detached from the flesh, without being able to reach its destination, clinging to the illusions and vanities of the past. But could there be any truth to all this superstition? No, as far as he was concerned, it was nothing but wishful thinking. Besides, this kind of survival would be less than oblivion. ‘I am most probably in a drunken stupor,’ Dr Margolin decided. ‘All this may be one long hallucination, perhaps a result of food poisoning...’ He looked up, and she was still there. He leaned over and whispered in her ear: ‘What’s the difference? As long as we’re together.’ ‘I’ve been waiting for that all these years.’ ‘Where have you been?’ She didn’t answer, and he didn’t ask again. He looked around. The empty hall was full, all the seats taken. A ceremonious hush fell over the audience. The music played softly. The cantor intoned the benedictions. With measured steps, Abraham Mekheles led his daughter down the aisle.

May 02, 2021

E V E L I N E BY JAMES JOYCE

E V E L I N E BY JAMES JOYCE



James Joyce is a major literary figure of the first quarter of the twentieth century. He is known for his bold experiments in narrative techniques in fiction, and Ulysses is his most famous work. ‘Eveline’ is one of the fifteen stories of Dublin life that form Dubliners, first published in 1914. It is a sympathetic portrayal of Eveline, who has within her reach escape from the drudgery of her life but cannot gather enough courage to seize it.


She sat at the window watching the evening invade the avenue. Her head was leaned against the window curtains and in her nostrils was the odour of dusty cretonne. She was tired. Few people passed. The man out of the last house passed on his way home; she heard his footsteps clacking along the concrete pavement and afterwards crunching on the cinder path before the new red houses. One time there used to be a field there in which they used to play every evening with other people’s children. Then a man from Belfast bought the field and built houses in it—not like their little brown houses but bright brick houses with shining roofs. The children of the avenue used to play together in that field—the Devines, the Waters, the Dunns, little Keogh the cripple, she and her brothers and sisters. Ernest, however, never played: he was too grown up. Her father used often to hunt them in and out of the field with his blackthorn stick; but usually little Keogh used to keep nix and call out when he saw her father coming. Still they seemed to have been rather happy then. Her father was not so bad then; and besides, her mother was alive. That was a long time ago; she and her brothers and sisters were all grown up; her mother was dead. Tizzie Dunn was dead, too, and the Waters had gone back to England. Everything changes. Now she was going to go away like the others, to leave her home. Home! She looked round the room, reviewing all its familiar objects which she had dusted once a week for so many years, wondering where on earth all the dust came from. Perhaps she would never see again those familiar objects from which she had never dreamed of being divided. And yet during all those years she had never found out the name of the priest whose yellowing photograph hung on the wall above the broken harmonium beside the coloured print of the promises made to Blessed Margaret Mary Alacoque. He had been a school friend of her father. Whenever he showed the photograph to a visitor her father used to pass it with a casual word: ‘He is in Melbourne now.’

She had consented to go away, to leave her home. Was that wise? She tried to weigh each side of the question. In her home anyway she had shelter and food; she had those whom she had known all her life about her. Of course she had to work hard, both in the house and at business. What would they say of her in the Stores when they found out that she had run away with a fellow? Say she was a fool, perhaps; and her place would be filled up by advertisement. Miss Gavan would be glad. She had always had an edge on her, especially whenever there were people listening.

‘Miss Hill, don’t you see these ladies are waiting?’

‘Look lively, Miss Hill, please.’

She wouId not cry many tears at leaving the Stores. But in her new home, in a distant unknown country, it would not be like that. Then she would be married—she, Eveline. People would treat her with respect then. She would not be treated as her mother had been. Even now, though she was over nineteen, she sometimes felt herself in danger of her father’s violence. She knew it was that that had given her the palpitations. When they were growing up he had never gone for her, like he used to go for Harry and Ernest, because she was a girl; but latterly he had begun to threaten her and say what he would do to her only for her dead mother’s sake. And now she had nobody to protect her. Ernest was dead and Harry, who was in the church decorating business, was nearly always down somewhere in the country. Besides, the invariable squabble for money on Saturday nights had begun to weary her unspeakably. She always gave her entire wages—seven shillings—and Harry always sent up what he could but the trouble was to get any money from her father. He said she used to squander the money, that she had no head, that he wasn’t going to give her his hard earned money to throw about the streets, and much more, for he was usually fairly bad on Saturday night. In the end he would give her

the money and ask her had she any intention of buying Sunday’s dinner. Then she had to rush out as quickly as she could and do her marketing, holding her black leather purse tightly in her hand as she elbowed her way through the crowds and returning home late under her load of provisions. She had hard work to keep the house together and to see that the two young children who had been left to her charge went to school regularly and got their meals regularly. It was hard work—a hard life—but now that she was about to leave it she did not find it a wholly undesirable life

She was about to explore another life with Frank. Frank was very kind, manly, open-hearted. She was to go away with him by the night boat to be his wife and to live with him in Buenos Aires where he had a home waiting for her. How well she remembered the first time she had seen him; he was lodging in a house on the main road where she used to visit. It seemed a few weeks ago. He was standing at the gate, his peaked cap pushed back on his head and his hair tumbled forward over a face of bronze. Then they had come to know each other. He used to meet her outside the Stores every evening and see her home. He took her to see The Bohemian Girl and she felt elated as she sat in an unaccustomed part of the theatre with him. He was awfully fond of music and sang a little. People knew that they were courting and, when he sang about the lass that loves a sailor, she always felt pleasantly confused. He used to call her Poppens out of fun. First of all it had been an excitement for her to have a fellow and then she had begun to like him. He had tales of distant countries. He had started as a deck boy at a pound a month on a ship of the Allan Line going out to Canada. He told her the names of the ships he had been on and the names

of the different services. He had sailed through the Straits of Magellan and he told her stories of the terrible Patagonians. He had fallen on his feet in Buenos Aires, he said, and had come over to the old country just for a holiday. Of course, her father had found out the affair and had forbidden her to have anything to say to him. ‘I know these sailor chaps,’ he said. One day he had quarrelled with Frank and after that she had to meet her lover secretly. The evening deepened in the avenue. The white of two letters in her lap grew indistinct. One was to Harry; the other was to her father. Ernest had been her favourite but she liked Harry too. Her father was becoming old lately, she noticed; he would miss her. Sometimes he could be very nice. Not long before, when she had been laid up for a day, he had read her out a ghost story and made toast for her at the fire. Another day, when their mother was alive, they had all gone for a picnic to the Hill of Howth. She remembered her father putting on her mother’s bonnet to make the children laugh. Her time was running out but she continued to sit by the window, leaning her head against the window curtain, inhaling the odour of dusty cretonne. Down far in the avenue she could hear a street organ playing. She knew the air. Strange that it should come that very night to remind her of the promise to her mother, her promise to keep the home together as long as she could. She remembered the last night of her mother’s illness; she was again in the close dark room at the other side of the hall and outside she heard a melancholy air of Italy. The organ player had been ordered to go away and given six-pence. She remembered her father strutting back into the sickroom saying: ‘Damned Italians! coming over here!’ As she mused—the pitiful vision of her mother’s life laid its spell on the very quick of her being that life of commonplace sacrifices closing in final craziness. She trembled as she heard again her mother’s voice saying constantly with foolish insistence: ‘Derevaun Seraun! Derevaun Seraun!’

She stood up in a sudden impulse of terror. Escape! She must escape! Frank would save her. He would give her life, perhaps love, too. But she wanted to live. Why should she be unhappy? She had a right to happiness. Frank would take her in his arms, fold her in his arms. He would save her. She stood among the swaying crowd in the station at the North Wall. He held her hand and she knew that he was speaking to her, saying something about the passage over and over again. The station was full of soldiers with brown baggages. Through the wide doors of the sheds she caught a glimpse of the black mass of the boat, lying in beside the quay wall, with illumined portholes. She answered nothing. She felt her cheek pale and cold and, out of a maze of distress, she prayed to God to direct her, to show her what was her duty. The boat blew a long mournful whistle into the mist. If she went, tomorrow she would be on the sea with Frank, steaming toward Buenos Aires. Their passage had been booked. Could she still draw back after all he had done for her? Her distress awoke a nausea in her body and she kept moving her lips in silent fervent prayer. A bell clanged upon her heart. She felt him seize her hand: ‘Come!’ All the seas of the world tumbled about her heart. He was drawing her into them: he would drown her. She gripped with both hands at the iron railing. ‘Come!’ No! No! No! It was impossible. Her hands clutched the iron in frenzy. Amid the seas she sent a cry of anguish. ‘Eveline! Evvy!’ He rushed beyond the barrier and called to her to follow. He was shouted at to go on but he still called to her. She set her white face to him, passive, like a helpless animal. Her eyes gave him no sign of love or farewell or recognition.

April 30, 2021

I SELL MY DREAMS BY GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ

I SELL MY DREAMS 
GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ



Gabriel Garcia Marquez was brought up by his grandparents in Northern Columbia because his parents were poor and struggling. A novelist, shortstory writer and journalist, he is widely considered the greatest living Latin American master of narrative. Marquez won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1982. His two masterpieces are One Hundred Years in Solitude (1967, tr. 1970) and Love in The Time of Cholera (1985, tr. 1988). His themes are violence, solitude and the overwhelming human need for love. This story reflects, like most of his works, a high point in Latin American magical realism; it is rich and lucid, mixing reality with fantasy.


One morning at nine o’clock, while we were having breakfast on the terrace of the Havana Riviera Hotel under a bright sun, a huge wave picked up several cars that were driving down the avenue along the seawall or parked on the pavement, and embedded one of them in the side of the hotel. It was like an explosion of dynamite that sowed panic on all twenty floors of the building and turned the great entrance window to dust. The many tourists in the lobby were thrown into the air along with the furniture, and some were cut by the hailstorm of glass. The wave must have been immense, because it leaped over the wide two way street between the seawall and the hotel and still had enough force to shatter the window. 

The cheerful Cuban volunteers, with the help of the fire department, picked up the debris in less than six hours, and sealed off the gate to the sea and installed another, and everything returned to normal. During the morning nobody worried about the car encrusted in the wall, for people assumed it was one of those that had been parked on the pavement. But when the crane lifted it out of its setting, the body of a woman was found secured behind the steering wheel by a seat belt. The blow had been so brutal that not a single one of her bones was left whole. Her face was destroyed, her boots had been ripped apart, and her clothes were in shreds. She wore a gold ring shaped like a serpent, with emerald eyes. The police established that she was the housekeeper for the new Portuguese ambassador and his wife. She had come to Havana with them two weeks before and had left that morning for the market, driving a new car. Her name meant nothing to me when I read it in the newspaper, but I was intrigued by the snake ring and its emerald eyes. I could not find out, however, on which finger she wore it. 

This was a crucial piece of information, because I feared she was an unforgettable woman whose real name I never knew, and who wore a similar ring on her right forefinger which, in those days, was even more unusual than it is now. I had met her thirty-four years earlier in Vienna, eating sausage with boiled potatoes and drinking draft beer in a tavern frequented by Latin American students. I had come from Rome that morning, and I still remember my immediate response to her splendid soprano’s bosom, the languid foxtails on her coat collar, and that Egyptian ring in the shape of a serpent. She spoke an elementary Spanish in a metallic accent without pausing for breath, and I thought she was the only Austrian at the long wooden table. But no, she had been born in Colombia and had come to Austria between the wars, when she was little more than a child, to study music and voice. She was about thirty, and did not carry her years well, for she had never been pretty and had begun to age before her time. But she was a charming human being. And one of the most awe-inspiring. 

Vienna was still an old imperial city, whose geographical position between the two irreconcilable worlds left behind by the Second World War had turned it into a paradise of black marketeer and international espionage. I could not have imagined a more suitable spot for my fugitive compatriot, who still ate in the students’ tavern on the corner only out of loyalty to her origins, since she had more than enough money to buy meals for all her table companions. She never told her real name, and we always knew her by the Germanic tongue twister that we Latin American students in Vienna invented for her: Frau Frieda. I had just been introduced to her when I committed the happy impertinence of asking how she had come to be in a world so distant and different from the windy cliffs of Quindio, and she answered with a devastating: 

‘I sell my dreams’ 

In reality, that was her only trade. She had been the third of eleven children born to a prosperous shopkeeper in old Caldas, and as soon as she learned to speak she instituted the fine custom in her family of telling dreams before breakfast, the time when their oracular qualities are preserved in their purest form. When she was seven she dreamed that one of her brothers was carried off by a flood. Her mother, out of sheer religious superstition, forbade the boy to swim in the ravine, which was his favourite pastime. But Frau Frieda already had her own system of prophecy. 

‘What that dream means,’ she said, ‘isn’t that he’s going to drown, but that he shouldn’t eat sweets.’ 

Her interpretation seemed an infamy to a five-year-old boy who could not live without his Sunday treats. Their mother, convinced of her daughter’s oracular talents, enforced the warning with an iron hand. But in her first careless moment the boy choked on a piece of caramel that he was eating in secret, and there was no way to save him. 

Frau Frieda did not think she could earn a living with her talent until life caught her by the throat during the cruel Viennese winters. Then she looked for work at the first house where she would have liked to live, and when she was asked what she could do, she told only the truth: ‘I dream.’ A brief explanation to the lady of the house was all she needed, and she was hired at a salary that just covered her minor expenses, but she had a nice room and three meals a day—breakfast in particular, when the family sat down to learn the immediate future of each of its members: the father, a refined financier; the mother, a joyful woman passionate about Romantic chamber music; and two children, eleven and nine years old. They were all religious and therefore inclined to archaic superstitions, and they were delighted to take in Frau Frieda, whose only obligation was to decipher the family’s daily fate through her dreams. 

She did her job well, and for a long time, above all during the war years, when reality was more sinister than nightmares. Only she could decide at breakfast what each should do that day, and how it should be done, until her predictions became the sole authority in the house. Her control over the family was absolute: even the faintest sigh was breathed by her order. The master of the house died at about the time I was in Vienna, and had the elegance to leave her a part of his estate on the condition that she continue dreaming for the family until her dreams came to an end. 

I stayed in Vienna for more than a month, sharing the straitened circumstances of the other students while I waited for money that never arrived. Frau Frieda’s unexpected and generous visits to the tavern were like fiestas in our poverty-stricken regime. One night, in a beery euphoria, she whispered in my ear with a conviction that permitted no delay. 

‘I only came to tell you that I dreamed about you last night,’ she said. ‘You must leave right away and not come back to Vienna for five years.’ 

Her conviction was so real that I boarded the last train to Rome that same night. As for me, I was so influenced by what she said that from then on I considered myself a survivor of some catastrophe I never experienced. I still have not returned to Vienna.

Before the disaster in Havana, I had seen Frau Frieda in Barcelona in so unexpected and fortuitous a way that it seemed a mystery to me. It happened on the day Pablo Neruda stepped on Spanish soil for the first time since the Civil War, on a stopover during a long sea voyage to Valparaiso. He spent a morning with us hunting big game in the second-hand bookstores, and at Porter he bought an old, dried-out volume with a torn binding for which he paid what would have been his salary for two months at the consulate in Rangoon. He moved through the crowd like an invalid elephant, with a child’s curiosity in the inner workings of each thing he saw, for the world appeared to him as an immense wind-up toy with which life invented itself. 

I have never known anyone closer to the idea one has of a Renaissance pope: He was gluttonous and refined. Even against his will, he always presided at the table. Matilde, his wife, would put a bib around his neck that belonged in a barbershop rather than a dining room, but it was the only way to keep him from taking a bath in sauce. That day at Carvalleiras was typical. He ate three whole lobsters, dissecting them with a surgeon’s skill, and at the same time devoured everyone else’s plate with his eyes and tasted a little from each with a delight that made the desire to eat contagious: clams from Galicia, mussels from Cantabria, prawns from Alicante, sea cucumbers from the Costa Brava. In the meantime, like the French, he spoke of nothing but other culinary delicacies, in particular the prehistoric shellfish of Chile, which he carried in his heart. All at once he stopped eating, tuned his lobster’s antennae, and said to me in a very quiet voice: 

‘There’s someone behind me who won’t stop looking at me.’

I glanced over his shoulder, and it was true. Three tables away sat an intrepid woman in an old-fashioned felt hat and a purple scarf, eating without haste and staring at him. I recognised her right away. She had grown old and fat, but it was Frau Frieda, with the snake ring on her index finger. 

She was travelling from Naples on the same ship as Neruda and his wife, but they had not seen each other on board. We invited her to have coffee at our table, and I encouraged her to talk about her dreams in order to astound the poet. He paid no attention, for from the very beginning he had announced that he did not believe in prophetic dreams. 

‘Only poetry is clairvoyant,’ he said. 

After lunch, during the inevitable stroll along the Ramblas, I lagged behind with Frau Frieda so that we could renew our memories with no other ears listening. She told me she had sold her properties in Austria and retired to Oporto, in Portugal, where she lived in a house that she described as a fake castle on a hill, from which one could see all the way across the ocean to the Americas. Although she did not say so, her conversation made it clear that, dream by dream, she had taken over the entire fortune of her ineffable patrons in Vienna. That did not surprise me, however, because I had always thought her dreams were no more than a stratagem for surviving. And I told her so. 

She laughed her irresistible laugh. ‘You’re as impudent as ever,’ she said. And said no more, because the rest of the group had stopped to wait for Neruda to finish talking in Chilean slang to the parrots along the Rambla de los Pájaros. When we resumed our conversation, Frau Frieda changed the subject. 

‘By the way,’ she said, ‘you can go back to Vienna now.’ 

Only then did I realise that thirteen years had gone by since our first meeting. 

‘Even if your dreams are false, I’ll never go back,’ I told her. ‘Just in case.’ 

At three o’clock we left her to accompany Neruda to his sacred siesta, which he took in our house after solemn. preparations that in some way recalled the Japanese tea ceremony. Some windows had to be opened and others closed to achieve the perfect degree of warmth, and there had to be a certain kind of light from a certain direction, and absolute silence. Neruda fell asleep right away, and woke ten minutes later, as children do, when we least expected it. He appeared in the living room refreshed, and with the monogram of the pillowcase imprinted on his cheek. 

‘I dreamed about that woman who dreams,’ he said. Matilde wanted him to tell her his dream. 
‘I dreamed she was dreaming about me,’ he said. 
‘That’s right out of Borges,’ I said. 
He looked at me in disappointment. 
‘Has he written it already?’ 
‘If he hasn’t he’ll write it sometime,’ I said. ‘It will be one of his labyrinths.’ 

As soon as he boarded the ship at six that evening, Neruda took his leave of us, sat down at an isolated table, and began to write fluid verses in the green ink he used for drawing flowers and fish and birds when he dedicated his books. At the first ‘All ashore’ we looked for Frau Frieda, and found her at last on the tourist deck, just as we were about to leave without saying good-bye. She too had taken a siesta. 

‘I dreamed about the poet,’ she said. 

In astonishment I asked her to tell me her dream. 

‘I dreamed he was dreaming about me,’ she said, and my look of amazement disconcerted her. ‘What did you expect? Sometimes, with all my dreams, one slips in that has nothing to do with real life.’

I never saw her again or even wondered about her until I heard about the snake ring on the woman who died in the Havana Riviera disaster. And I could not resist the temptation of questioning the Portuguese ambassador when we happened to meet some months later at a diplomatic reception. The ambassador spoke about her with great enthusiasm and enormous admiration. ‘You cannot imagine how extraordinary she was,’ he said. ‘You would have been obliged to write a story about her.’ And he went on in the same tone, with surprising details, but without the clue that would have allowed me to come to a final conclusion. 

‘In concrete terms,’ I asked at last, ‘what did she do?’ ‘Nothing,’ he said, with a certain disenchantment. ‘She dreamed.’

BLOOD BY KAMALA DAS

BLOOD BY KAMALA DAS

One of the greatest literary figures in Malayalam, Kamala Das was born in the year 1934 in Punnayurkulum, in South Malabar, Kerala. Her work, in poetry and in prose, has given her a permanent place in modern Malayalam literature as well as in Indian writing in English. She is best known for her feminist writings and focus on womanhood. She has been the recipient of such famous awards as the Poetry Award for the Asian PEN Anthology, the Kerala Sahitya Akademi Award for the best collection of short stories in Malayalam, and the Chaman Lal Award for fearless journalism.



When we were children

My brother and I

And always playing on the sands

Drawing birds and animals

Our great-grandmother said one day,

You see this house of ours

Now three hundred years old,

It’s falling to little bits

Before our very eyes

The walls are cracked and torn

And moistened by the rains,

The tiles have fallen here and there

The windows whine and groan

And every night

The rats come out of the holes

And scamper past our doors.

The snake-shrine is dark with weeds

And all the snake-gods in the shrine

Have lichen on their hoods.

O it hurts me she cried,

Wiping a reddened eye

For I love this house, it hurts me much

To watch it die.

When I grow old, I said,

And very very rich

I shall rebuild the fallen walls

And make new this ancient house.

My great-grandmother

Touched my cheeks and smiled.

She was really simple.

Fed on God for years

All her feasts were monotonous

For the only dish was always God

And the rest mere condiments.

She told us how she rode her elephant

When she was ten or eleven

Every Monday without fail

To the Siva shrine

And back to home again

And, told us of the jewel box

And the brocade from the north

And the perfumes and the oils

And the sandal for her breasts

And her marriage to a prince

Who loved her deeply for a lovely short year

And died of fever, in her arms

She told us

That we had the oldest blood

My brother and she and I

The oldest blood in the world

A blood thin and clear and fine

While in the veins of the always poor

And in the veins

Of the new-rich men

Flowed a blood thick as gruel

And muddy as a ditch.

Finally she lay dying

In her eighty sixth year

A woman wearied by compromise

Her legs quilted with arthritis

And with only a hard cough

For comfort

I looked deep into her eyes

Her poor bleary eyes

And prayed that she would not grieve

So much about the house.

I had learnt by then

Most lessons of defeat,

Had found out that to grow rich

Was a difficult feat.

The house was crouching

On its elbows then,

It looked that night in the pallid moon

So grotesque and alive.

When they burnt my great grandmother

Over logs of the mango tree

I looked once at the house

And then again and again

For I thought I saw the windows close

Like the closing of the eyes

I thought I heard the pillars groan

And the dark rooms heave a sigh.

I set forth again

For other towns,

Left the house with the shrine

And the sands

And the flowering shrubs

And the wide rabid mouth of the Arabian Sea.

I know the rats are running now

Across the darkened halls

They do not fear the dead

I know the white ants have reached my home

And have raised on walls

Strange totems of burial.

At night, in stillness,

From every town I live in

I hear the rattle of its death

The noise of rafters creaking

And the windows’ whine.

I have let you down

Old house, I seek forgiveness

O mother’s mother’s mother

I have plucked your soul

Like a pip from a fruit

And have flung it into your pyre

Call me callous

Call me selfish

But do not blame my blood

So thin, so clear, so fine

The oldest blood in the world

That remembers as it flows

All the gems and all the gold

And all the perfumes and the oils

And the stately Elephant ride……..

TIME AND TIME AGAIN BY A.K. RAMANUJAN

TIME AND TIME AGAIN 
A.K. RAMANUJAN



A.K. Ramanujan is one of India’s finest English language poets. He is best known for his pioneering translations of ancient Tamil poetry into modern English. At the time of his death he was professor of linguistics at the University of Chicago and was recognized as the world’s most profound scholar of South Indian languages and culture. His interests included anthropology and folklore. These influenced his work as a craftsman of English. This poem represents the complex distillation of a lifetime of unusual thought and feeling.

Or listen to the clock towers

of any old well-managed city

beating their gongs round the clock, each slightly

off the others’ time, deeper or lighter

in its bronze, beating out a different

sequence each half-hour, out of the accidents

of alloy, a maker’s shaking hand

in Switzerland, or the mutual distances

commemorating a donor’s whim,

the perennial feuds and seasonal alliance

of Hindu, Christian, and Muslim—

cut off sometimes by a change of wind,

a change of mind, or a siren

between the pieces of a backstreet quarrel.

One day you look up and see one of them

eyeless, silent, a zigzag sky showing

through the knocked-out clockwork, after a riot,

a peace-march time bomb, or a precise act

Of nature in a night of lightnings.

THE WILD SWANS AT COOLE BY W.B. YEATS

THE WILD SWANS AT COOLE 
W.B. YEATS



W.B. Yeats was an Irish poet, dramatist and mystic. He was one of the driving forces behind the Irish Literary Revival, and was co-founder of the Abbey Theatre. He was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1923.


The trees are in their autumn beauty,

The woodland paths are dry,

Under the October twilight the water

Mirrors a still sky;

Upon the brimming water among the stones

Are nine-and-fifty swans.

The nineteenth autumn has come upon me

Since I first made my count;

I saw, before I had well finished,

All suddenly mount

And scatter wheeling in great broken rings

Upon their clamorous wings.

I have looked upon those brilliant creatures,

And now my heart is sore.

All’s changed since I, hearing at twilight,

The first time on this shore,

The bell-beat of their wings above my head,

Trod with a lighter tread.

Unwearied still, lover by lover,

They paddle in the cold

Companionable streams or climb the air;

Their hearts have not grown old;

Passion or conquest, wander where they will,

Attend upon them still.

But now they drift on the still water,

Mysterious, beautiful;

Among what rushes will they build,

By what lake’s edge or pool

Delight men’s eyes when I awake some day 

To find they have flown away?